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Sitting here drowning in my pain

You are sitting here crying for the same reason tears are brought to your eyes all the time. He didn’t call. He didn’t text you. You are alone, once again. You have no one to hold you, even though when he holds you you still don’t feel love. I want love so bad. I want to feel wanted, cared for, protected. I want so badly to feel what its like to be told someone likes me, loves me. I want to be that girl he thinks about before he falls asleep and as he wakes up. I want him to say I miss you when he doesn’t see me. I want him to hold me as tight as he can when we

It hurts so bad. It hurts so bad.

Unconditonal Love of some nature

I wish I knew what it felt like to be loved unconditionally, that is, by someone who wasn’t bound to.

Like your mother or grandmother love you, but rather a stranger falling in love with you.
the love is not forced, nor is it a mistake.

Its unconditional love. A love that people find with one, or five depending on the circumstances.

Strangers can make or break love, leaving you asking yourself questions.

Why do I love them? Why do they love me? Is this real? Can I trust myself?

This love is hard to explain, but when you find that person you will feel this gut feeling, one feeling you may never be able to define with a single feeling or word. It is almost a connection of all feelings in one’s mind that finally know their purpose.

This love is hard to find, but you know when you have it. It haunts you and there is no going back. You think about the other person every second, minute, hour, day, no matter what. This love takes you on a roller coaster through your life just so you can meet the other person at the end of the ride.

Why am I talking about unconditional love? Why is it 1:30 am and I’m up writing this?

Well I believe I met my unconditional love. The one person I wake up and go to bed thinking about. The one person I could finally see myself with, yet each and every day I have to walk behind them like I am a shadow in the background.

This is not the unconditional lover I wanted. I wish that this was not my love. It’s hard to understand why love works the way it does, but I guess it’s true that life works out in its own way. Leaving me questioning myself 24/7, trying to answer myself these questions of agony.

My unconditional love is one way though and this is why I state “I wish” I was unconditionally loved. My man is not mine. He walks around with me being a grain of salt in his life. He is the people pleaser, yet I never feel pleased by him. He said to me that he will never see himself being with me, yet I keep running back begging for the pleasure of the thought that he likes me.

This man does not unconditionally love me, nor will he ever. I, on the other hand, feel as if this love is my unconditional love. Now the question is what is it that makes his love in my eyes unconditional?

How can you love a man so much while he won’t even turn his head for you?

The answer for that is unconditional love.

Will I ever learn?

it gets harder every time. I stay over there. I wake up and leave. I think about him all day. I wish I could text him. I get ignored. I ask to see him, reply is not tonight. I try to get over him. I don’t talk to him. He texts me. I reply. I wish I had the courage not to. I wish I could tell him I am hurt. I wish I could tell him how it hurts me to play this game. He asks me to come over. I say yes. I go over there. AND IT REPEATS.

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